Mom, Dad, We're Deslay
by Wigzard
Summary: Upon shooting one of the final scenes for Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy, both Layton and Descole come to grip with shocking news. (Major Azran Legacy spoilers!)
1. The Touching Scene

**Reminder that none of my stories go together, it's just that most of my stories mysteriously end up with Layton and Descole getting it on. dEsLaY fAn FoR lYfE am I right?**

* * *

It was the sixty-ninth day of shooting Professor Layton and The Azran Legacy. For this, Layton and Descole were sure. Both actors had the date circled with hearts on their calendars, not just because sixty-nine was a funny number, but for this would be the day they were to film "the touching scene."

"Alright, everyone get in your places!" the director shouted into his expensive megaphone.

Layton freshened his breath with pepper spray and Descole chucked his unfinished pizza slice onto the floor. This is the scene they were waiting for – the scene where they would get it on.

* * *

[Scene opens in the Chamber of Fire. Descole is severely crippled and is dying in Layton's arms.]

**DESCOLE**: Ow. (he coughs blood) Everything on my body hurts, except for the areas that you are touching with your handsome, man fingers. Please touch me more. I'm dying.

**LAYTON**: Hang in there, Descole! (he rubs his hands down Descole's thighs) Does it feel good when I touch you there?

**DESCOLE**: (he moans) OH GOD, YES! Now listen up, I have to tell you something very important before I die.

**LAYTON**: You can tell me anything, big boy. (he winks and slips his hand down Descole's pants)

**DESCOLE**: Layton, we're totally brothers.

* * *

"CUT!" Layton and Descole shouted simultaneously.

"How many times do I have to tell you stupid actors that only I get to call the cuts?" the director fumed.

"Mr. Gibson, we believe there is a typo in the script," Layton spoke calmly and reasonably with his hand still down Descole's pants.

"Yes," Descole chimed in. "You typed 'we're totally brothers' where the line should say 'we're totally lovers.'"

Mr. Gibson took a second look at the script.

"No, everything's correct. Stop wasting my fucking time."

"But this is supposed to be the touching scene!" Layton argued.

"Yeah! We can't touch each other if we're brothers!"

"God damn it, when I said touching, I meant _emotional_. _Heartfelt_. _Tear inducing_. That's what this scene is supposed to mean," Mr. Gibson tried to explain to the confused and dumbfounded actors.

"Sounds more like this scene is supposed to suck," Descole grumbled. "Change the script or I'll kill you with this prop sword."

"I can't change the script. This film is based off a true story. You guys really are brothers."

It was at this moment that Layton retrieved his hand from Descole's pants.

"Okaaaaaay, take two!" Gibson shouted in the megaphone, but Layton and Descole had already packed their things and said goodbye to the rest of the crew. "Where do you pricks think you're going?! I'm Mel fucking Gibson!"

"We're heading back to our trailers," Layton answered. "We quit."

"Bye, Mel," Descole waved.

"You guys can't go back into those trailers if you quit."

Layton and Descole gave Mel Gibson the middle finger and walked back to their trailers.


	2. Descole's First Good Idea

Locking the door behind him with his clean hand, Layton rushed to the bathroom. He had done the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the _unforgivable_. He had put his hand down his own brother's pants.

Layton's ass started vibrating.

"Luke, my slave! Answer my phone!"

He had forgotten that Luke was still in shooting for the film, and that he was probably filling in for Layton's role because the child was dangerously obsessed with him.

"Shit."

Risking death by electrocution, Layton pulled his phone out of his butt pocket with his wet hand.

"This is the Professor. I'm kind of pissed off right now."

"Hi, Layton."

Descole was on the other line. He was crying.

"Hi, Descole. Remember when Mel made me put my hand down your pants?"

"Yeah, that was mean!" Descole sniffled.

"I tried to wash off my hand, but I can still feel your…your…" Layton choked. "Your area!"

"I tried to wash off my boner but I can still feel your hand."

"My word!" Layton gasped. "T-M-I! That stands for too much information!"

"Well you felt it, bro….ther."

Hearing the word "brother" panged Layton's nerves with a sick, twisted dose of reality. He had always wanted a brother, but not like this…Not like this.

"Layton! I came up with a brilliant idea."

"Descole, when have you ever come up with a good idea?"

Both men laughed for what felt like an eternity because it was so true.

"If you say that again, I'll kill you. Now here's my idea. It felt really good when you touched me, right? I mean, before we knew we were brothers."

"Mmmmm."

"Since we're both actors now, why don't we just play in a movie where we're not brothers? Then it's not incest, right?"

"Descole, I have never heard of a more brilliant idea in my life."

A knock on Layton's door interrupted their phone conversation.

"Professor Layton?" one of the female assistants called. "Mr. Gibson said you can't be in this trailer."

Layton yelled at the terrified assistant at the top of his lungs.

"MEL GIBSON MADE ME TOUCH MY BROTHER'S PENIS!"


	3. I'm Gonna Be In the Movies

**I made a huge mistake the first time I uploaded this chapter, a very embarrassing thing for a professional fanfic writer as myself. Layton and Descole are supposed to be looking for roles in a film where they are NOT acting as brothers, and without thinking I did the opposite. There is very little change to the chapter, so you really don't have to read another grueling three-hundred words if you don't want to. Thank you.**

* * *

In order to land their big break, Layton and Descole were going to have to find a film to play in that involved two men touching each other, preferably one directed by a famous movie maker. Most importantly, they would have to find a film where they wouldn't play as brothers, or any other example of incest. Sitting next to a window in a Starbucks that was rumored to be haunted, they searched through the classified pages in The London Times.

_Sister/Sister, Sexy Cousins, Married With My Children…_

"Check it out, Descole. I found something that could be useful to us."

Layton pointed to a specific ad and slid it across the table to Descole. His eyes skimmed the paper intently, and then he frowned.

"Layton, this is a wanted ad for feeding someone's goldfish while they're on vacation."

"Very good, Descole. I've never had a goldfish before, so it could be fun. I also need to find a replacement for Luke. I just found out he's the one writing these letters that always get us into dangerous situations."

"NO GOLDFISH! If you don't stick to the task, I'll –"

"I know, I know," Layton yawned. "You're going to kill me."

"I didn't even get to tell you how I'll kill you – OW WOW WOW WOW WOW!"

A ghost had pushed Descole's French vanilla frappucinno onto his lap. A group of hip teenagers across the room started laughing because it looked like he peed his pants.

"Descole, look! It's a sign!"

The small amount of frappuccino that had not landed on Descole's scalding hot crotch splattered onto one specific ad.

* * *

**WANTED**

Two attractive grown men to star in my next film, Bounty Butt Hunters. Summon me if you believe you are worthy of my presence. – S. Spielburg

* * *

"It looks like your plan might actually work," Layton laughed. It was funny because Descole's plans never worked.

The ghost came back and slammed Descole's face into the table.


	4. Descole's Audition

**If you've already read chapter three, please go back and read the note I left on the top! Thank you!**

* * *

A line of sweat-dripping and mortified actors assembled behind the curtains of a school auditorium. The place smelled like body odor and nervous farts. It was disgusting, but Descole knew this was the price to pay for stardom.

"Dude, she totally bombed it," he whispered to the person standing behind him. The actors were told not to peek through the curtains, but Descole only played by his rules.

"Gene Deskoal?" one of the casting directors called out.

"You can all go home now," Descole laughed to the people behind him. His boa puffed up to twice its size, like a male bird about to get it on. It was showtime.

"Sir, why do you have a box and a slip 'n slide with you?"

"It's for my audition," Descole answered to the casting directors. "I'm going to act out my favorite scene from _Milo and Otis_."

"No, you're going to stick with the script."

Descole crumpled the script into a tiny paper ball and swallowed it whole. The directors were just about to call security, but they hesitated when Descole pointed at his sword that he stole from the set of_ Azran Legacy_.

"You have two minutes," they sighed and started the timer.

"This is the scene when Milo the kitten falls into a wooden box and floats down a river."

He set up his slip 'n slide and poured water along it that he "borrowed" from one of the director's water bottles, got inside the box and started the scene.

"Meow! Meow!...MRAAOOW! MRAAAAAAAOOOOOOW!"

Each time he slid to the end of the slip 'n slide, he'd pick up his box and run back to the start.

"Hisssss! Hisssss! MRAAAAAOOOOOW!"

"STOP!" the directors all shouted at once, but it was kind of hard to stop on a slip 'n slide. "We are convinced. You got the part."

"I already knew that," Descole spoke in his regular bitchy voice with superior 'tude. "When do I get to touch my brother?"

The casting directors looked at each other in bewilderment, like they've seen God for the first time but God was only one inch tall.

"Sir, you do know you were trying out for the Broadway musical _Annie_?"

"Damn."


End file.
